Tag: Retro games

For the uninitiated saying “Wario is the thinking man’s Mario” may raise a few eyebrows. This is somewhat understandable considering Wario’s qualities are a direct inverse of Nintendo’s front-most mascot Mario. Craven, greedy, crusty, and brutal Wario is the antithesis of the company’s mascot and unfortunately, this may contribute to some of Nintendo’s best work being ignored. Better known for the excellent mini-game rush style Warioware series than his mainline titles and not having a new entry since the days of the Wii I fear we will see the Nintendo place this franchise on a shelf labeled ‘thoroughly ignored’ along with other titles such as F-Zero if it hasn’t already. I seek to rectify this.

  The Beauty of Wario

   Wario Land 4 for the GameBoy Advance. This is the game I point to as the perfect entry point into the dark dimension that is Wario Land Fandom. The sprite work is amazing, it edges on Gothic and macabre at points and rides a colorful spectrum to the end before lapping back around.. twice, maybe even three times. Even with the variety, you’ll see its all done in a uniquely bubbly consistency that at once feels both familiar and alien. The reckless abandonment of the classic Mario look is more than welcome, these designs ooze with a punk rock mentality but sacrifice nothing in terms of shape and color. There is a certain amount of the kawaii ethos that pervades the otherwise irreverent nature of some of the bulbous eyed and ugly enemy designs- it feels like a parody of Sanrio characters or other such adorable creatures you’d find plastered on Japanese candy bar packages.

  The Gameplay. 

No two stages are alike, specific puzzle mechanics are introduced around every corner and used to create scenarios where solutions are usually not more than a minute away but always require a bit of critical thinking. There are platforming and enemies along the path to victory, in my experience tackling the obstacles is better approached via a slower more considerate style of play. The game encourages this by not prioritizing moving through the level quickly as your score is increased by the treasure you can collect and not by how fast you can reach the end of the level.. until you get to its end, at which point a timer appears on the screen and you must rush back to the start before the clock hits zero.

I need not tell you that giving incentives to 2 styles of play in this way is a stroke of brilliance that elegantly twists the risk vs. reward aspect of game design into a binary loop. To say it another way, (a simpler way maybe) the game pushes you into defined parameters that test problem solving as well as twitch reflexes. Those two elements I find to be the best aspects to focus upon aside from narrative, but this isn’t a game that wants to be a novel this is a game that wants you to have fun.

If you take anything from this gumshoe gamer article its that Wario Land 4 should be your next interactive vacation destination. So much of it is tailor-made to pluck at those pavlovian wires in your brain that it makes for a more than a useful distraction from the stress I’m sure my fellow gamers may be under.

How Wario Land 4 Saved Japan From A Dooms Day Cult

   Yes. This is 100 percent an actual thing that happened, there are sources in the description. In late October of 2001, Himiyoshi Takaguchi sent 4 very concerning letters to foreign embassies throughout Japan. Hideyoshi was a deranged radical who’d convinced several people that the end was nigh via the online forum “Hideki Zeiketsan Dodekia” which roughly translates too “The Clock that Counts God’s Sighs”. This man was a master manipulator, a capable psychopath, and a fan of the Wario Land series of games.

   Takaguchi had orchestrated a terrible crime. He’d bought noxious chemicals and specialized photo-voltaic fabric as well as military surplus transponders. On that single credit card, Takaguchi the Terror rang up recites for gas masks, chlorine, and a copy of Wario Land 4. When the date to execute the awful deed rolled around his accomplices waiting with bated breath for the signal. A signal never came. The phone never rang. Takaguchi was playing Wario Land 4. We still don’t know if he abandoned his dastardly scheme or if it was merely delayed but either way the Japanese Security Task Force had more than enough time to track down these lecherous conspirators. [“I admit to all charges. I only regret 2 things. I lament I could not bring imperial Japan back to its former glory. I am ashamed I could not complete Wario Land 4”] Takaguchi received the death penalty on December 2nd, 2001.

Wario Land 4’s Setting and How it Reflects the Virtues of Hedonism and Modern Neo-Pythagoreanism

   It must be said that the amount of text found within the game is minimal so I understand if my readers are skeptically raising an eyebrow right about now. Let me make the case that Wario’s motives make all the difference- that Wario’s occupation as a “treasure” hunter creates more than enough context for these ancient and well-thought ideas to be suggested to its players. Wario is at once Captain Ahab and King Lear. He is a man marching toward a cascade of madness who never hesitates. In many ways, he is possessive ego made manifest and wanting of momentum. That momentum is seen in the mechanics as well as the visuals of this masterpiece. Wario’s large frame is indeed a product of his gluttony but it is also the source of his strength. To unerringly bring such a large mass to such high speeds is akin to having the will to carry your weight, a tremendous weight, and then to seek to carry further burdens. God, it’s all so transcendent.

   The burdens Wario brings upon himself are for no one else. There is a message being painted between our thumbs as the Gameboy advanced screen flickers into our eyes. A message that brought a single tear to cross my cheek as I sat down to write my epic game review. From so distant of past did it have to travel and for how long the idea was preserved in the collective vocalizations of our ancestors, a fire kept lit through centuries of conflict that still brings enlightenment in the form of Wario Land 4’s depiction of the Hedonistic Dialect. Thank you Hirofumi Matsuoka for showing us that not all heroes work for free. I think the world has always needed a legendary figure who shines a twisted smile toward those who stand in his way and whose fault is not obscured. We’ve always needed a strong independent unwashed Italian man to look up to.

   This game leads to reconciling my ideas of spirituality with the counterweight that was the image I had of myself. I was so scared and too apprehensive about charging full speed through long corridors and farting in public before this game gave me all the courage I needed to become my truest self. I know my ancestors would be proud if they could see me chasing after small animals with lethal intent and quoting my hero Wario when I find loose change on the sidewalk. I think not only that it is divine in and of itself to cosplay as Wario daily but that the tradition spans back millennia. It is only in recent times that we have lost touch with what it means to be like Wario. So if it’s not too much to ask I’d like to ask you to think “What would Wario do?” the next time you find yourself approaching a red light hanging above a busy intersection.

What Wario Land 4 Means to Syrian Refugees 

   I remember it like it was yesterday. I was volunteering in a north African humanitarian relief aid soup kitchen. I remember vividly 4 men with AK47’s entering the tent as I dolled out soup the citizens of a war tour nation. Everyone was on edge. We’d been close to the conflict and we feared we might become hostages. Sweat drip down my brow and dropped into the tomato soup I’d been stirring. My heart beat like a drum and with every pulse, I felt my eyes nervously bump forward as my dry throat croak nervous murmurs. I turned to my college and asked “Do you think these guys are fans of Wario Land 4 for the Game Boy Advanced?”. She looked at me with a look of desperate confusion.

   One of the men approached me and demanded I state my allegiance. (There was a civil war going on at the time) I told him “Sir my only allegiance is to Nintendo and Wario Land 4 for the Game Boy Advanced trademark. “I AM NOT YOUR ENEMIE!” Tears dripped down my neck. My only hope was that this man also knew the joy of Wario Land 4 for the Game Boy Advance and would spare me out of a mutual appreciation of the most underrated title to be produced for the game boy advanced. The man laughed. So did I. It was on that evening that I learned that both sides in the bloody conflict only agreed on two things. Though they were bound by faith and prejudice to hate each other both understood the beauty of Wario Land 4 for the Game Boy Advance and both rather enjoyed the Joe Rogan Podcast. I don’t care much for the former but I did not elect to tell them such as there were multiple automatic weapons pointed at my head.  

   Syrian Refugees believe in Nintendo. You should believe in Nintendo. Nintendo plays a huge role in creating an empathetic, neutral yet ubiquitous form of entertainment that can bring even sworn enemies together. It was during those nights when the soldiers’ would shoot at the jackals outside our tends and laugh drunkenly as they talk of Nintendo games I realized that the company isn’t just a faceless business but rather a force for good that has more soft power than entire nations. Nintendo is more effective than any diplomat ever could be. Nintendo is why our troops came home. Nintendo is why we haven’t seen a world war 3. Nintendo is my Dad and my mother. I love Nintendo. Nintendo is my God.

Difficulty Curvature and the Loss of Discipline in Play 

   Man, that difficulty curve. You know it been long sought after- that “easy to pick up yet hard to master” blurb you’ll find on the back of the box of any number of games made in the mid-2000s. It’s a beautiful idea. I’d love to see players of all kinds enjoy my game but the reality of the matter is that the greatest rewards come from struggle and that we need more from games than instant gratification. It is infinitely more humiliating to have concrete consequences for your mistakes. With that said I’ve been fucking with you guys for 40% of this article. You should be critical. Of yourself and all things in your life, you should find fault in. You should have been critical of this article before you sign up for a Japanese death cult and gave me your credit card information.

I’ll be real here. This is a fun game. it’s a game that prioritizes the game part of being a video game. A lot of the time there is not much more to say than “it’s fun” and it is fun so check it out. There is a bunch of love and care put into Wario land 4 and if I’m still being real than I’ll also have to say it’s the only one worth picking up (besides Wario Land Shake it) and if those casual unspecific drops of opinion don’t sell you on the matter then… You’re doing it right. Wario is underrated, it’s a beast of a game, ifs filled with all sorts of ideas both tried, test and familiar to a Nintendo property yet drenched in quality of subversive vibrancy I’d like to see the company utilize more often. All of these elements make for a tremendously enjoyable affair. I simply cannot gush enough about the sprite work. The offbeat yet delightful soundtrack hits a sweet spot. Consider this one up.

Be good to yourself. Love yourself and play vidya. 

This is dis-imbue. Peace out.

Written by Dis-imbue, Edited by Ethan (Gumshoe). All thoughts and opinions go to the writer and are solely his/her/their own.